The differences in affiliations and backgrounds have paved the way for the varied approaches in the way relationships are handled. As couples begin to experience the transition of courtship into marriage, they are in turn baffled with many setback and scenarios that creates the notion of realities, as composed of the idealist perspective during the intimacy levels (Carter, 2006). In the end, by properly understanding the distinctions between intimacy and individuality can enable the relationship grow and develop accordingly.
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The movie Parenthood is one example of the divergence and difficulty pertaining to the idea of rising children amidst the struggles that mother and father have in the course of their marriage. This in turn creates numerous setbacks that hinders the growth of the family or somehow affects its members because of the some psychological manifestations by one individual. Due to this, the film can clearly give a concrete example of how people handle such scenarios given a particular setting with a set of societal norms and standards to be followed.
First, we can see the case of Gil Buckman and his wife Jane, who had to create intervention and care for their child who is in the borderline of being normal and having behavior problems. This causes a major setback as he is faced with the drastic move to reach out and help his son or be forced to send him into special education school. Likewise, he is at the same time faced with a hurdle surrounding his relationship with his father. Now, he tries to be the overachieving and hardworking dad for his children to compensate for his father’s shortcomings which in turn leads to exaggeration and being affected too easily.
Analyzing Gil’s approach, it can be argued that he mainly tries to resolve the issue surrounding his family via connecting to his past experiences and seeking the comfort and assurance from his wife. “Couples seek to complete themselves in each other to the degree that they have failed to resolve their relationships with their parents, which would free them to build new relationships based on each person’s freedom to be himself or herself” (Carter, 2006, p. 235-236). Somehow, the setback given to him may have triggered this behavior and at the same time extracted in him some negativity in the way he handles them.
On the other hand, we see the story of Susan; Gil’s sister who constantly struggles to cope up with his husbands continued clamor for success and achievement. This particular attitude takes a toll on her as it begins to even affect their child. Nathan’s vision for big things to happen and make better their lives chokes her wife and creates problems within the film. We see in her Susan being the silent type when he is with his husband, while being too loud and cackling when talking to his brothers and sister.
Understanding this situation in the perspective of intimacy and relationships, it can be argued that Nathan clearly does not take into consideration his wife’s feelings or his views concerning issues surrounding the family. The participation in decision making processes that would affect the whole family is only manifested by the male counterpart. However, this should not be the way intimacy must be dealt with or handled. It must be the notion that “intimacy allows one party to fully focus on the other person without the need to manipulate that other person, to his or her detriment, to meet his or her own needs” (Lawson and Brossart, 2004, p.393). Similarly, gender differences too accounts for this inequality. It is in this patriarchal setup that Susan may feel violated and afflicted emotionally because her cause is often unheard. It is in this process that individuals try to create their own self esteem within the context of marriage without understanding that there are unique differences among couples that must be respected (Carter, 2006)
To conclude, the two subsets of relationship showcase a discrepancy on how each one viewed their particular relationships. However, it doesn’t mean that it is doomed to end. However, one must constantly communicate and create measures that would seek to equalize and understand each others shortcomings and work together to keep the family intact and strong. By grasping the important elements surrounding gender and intimacy, only then can communication and true relationships becomes manifested.
References
Carter, B. (2006) Chapter 14: Becoming a couple in The Expanded Family Life Cycle:
Individual, Family, and Social Perspectives. 3rd ed. Retrieved October 31, 2008. 234-244.
Lawson, D.M. and Brossart, D.F. (2004) The Developmental Course of Personal Authority in the
Family System in Family Process. 43 no. 3. Retrieved October 31, 2008. 391-409.
