In many cases it controls even the whole direction or result of a conversation, without being noticed by the speaker(s). Stereotyping is one good example. By stereotyping we already have an opinion of the others and we develop a sort of selective hearing. Since we believe, we already ‘know’ what kind of person we are interacting with, we ‘hear’ strongly these parts of the conversation, that reassure us in our opinion and many times we are inclined to overhear that there might be way more to our picture of the other than we thought.
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We often stereotype on an ethnical level. We all have a picture of certain social classes and/or certain cultures and countries in our mind, that makes our interaction and communication with members of these groups biased. We tend to imply certain things that might not even be remotely true, but since we have our stereotype thinking manifested in our mind, it needs a lot of self control and or convincing to open our mind far enough to actually listen and hear what is really transmitted.
If we can free our self of this stereotypical thinking, labeling, we can go on to the next step which Huxley correctly sees as the more important truth: We can try to see others as they see themselves. If we master this skill, we have reached a huge breakthrough in matters communication skills. We can more likely go into a conversation with individuals from other ethnic groups or cultures and not only more effectively listen to what is said, but more likely we will be able to avoid misunderstandings and there from resulting conflicts.
When we understand the background of the other individual, when we get an idea why they are saying certain things in a certain way, even though they might sound confusing or even aggressive to us, then we can more easily forgive faux pas in the others expressions, since we then might realize, that there is no intentional aggression or offensiveness in the others language, but only a cultural or upbringing based, different way of communication. To see ourselves as others see us’ is certainly a good skill that we can use as a tool for better communication. When we know what impact our way of expression ourselves, our body language has on others, when we get an idea of how we might appear in their eyes, we can counteract to that kind of behavioral pattern and try to make ourselves more understood by acting in ways the other can understand more easy.
But even if we can master that skill and we can adapt to the other party and their cultural background, we must not expect the other one to be doing the same thing or being understanding of ourselves enough, to avoid misunderstandings. So, like Huxley said, it is more important (for a successful communication) to try to understand how the others see themselves, therefore understand more likely the reasons for the way they act and express themselves.
By doing so, we also let go of our ego, that often times is the root of misunderstandings as well. By trying to ‘slip into somebody else’s shoes’ we are automatically opening our mind a little bit and take away power from the me-thinking. Aldous Huxley has, in my humble opinion, made a very good observation and formed an extremely valuable thesis, which is, when understood and used, extremely valuable in all perspectives of life and the interaction with each other, no matter if of different culture or from the same neighborhood.
